14 relationship red flags you should never ignore…

For survivors of trauma, one of the hardest things about relationships is spotting the warning signs of a toxic person before they pull us into their world.

We want to believe people who say we can trust them, and to give second chances along the way. We want to be accommodating and not seen as ‘too picky’ or ‘high maintenance.’ And for those of us who are neurodivergent, we can literally, at times, take things literally—which adds a whole other layer of complexity to deciphering people’s intentions. 

When you take all of this into consideration, it’s easy to see why so many people across our communities today are particularly vulnerable to narcissists, love bombers, and liars in general!

So what can we do?

Well, in my experience as both a coercive control educator and survivor…

the most powerful thing we can do in our journey to cultivating healthy relationships is to learn the language and patterns of emotional abusers. 

As I’ve shared many times through my work with schools, universities, and my Red Flags 101 program, abusive relationships never start with immediate violence…

But they do begin with a textbook list of coercive, psychological, or manipulative red flags.

And once we know what to look for we can proactively assess who is in our lives, and what impact they’re having on us (whether that be positive or negative).

On the following page, you’ll find a list of the 14 most toxic warning signs in friendships and relationships.

And, just as importantly, the ‘green flag’ version of each one.

Because healthy relationships aren’t just about searching for warning signs; they’re also about knowing what you want to attract and accept more of.

It’s also important to note that the below list is gender neutral and can apply to anyone. Because as I’ve shared many times on stage, ‘When it comes to abuse, anyone can be a victim and anyone can be a perpetrator. And all victim-survivors deserve justice and healing.’

Pop your details below to access the list: 14 Red Flags that you should never ignore (and the green flags you want to run toward!)

About Jas

Jas is an award-winning speaker, best-selling author, and one of Australia’s leading voices on domestic violence prevention and survivor advocacy.

She's impacted hundreds of thousands of lives worldwide and is also the creator of Red Flags 101—a nationally recognized program that helps workplaces and communities detect the warning signs of coercive control before it escalates—as well as the co-founder of Brisbane’s first permanent Domestic Violence Memorial.

Her expertise has taken her from investigating organised crime to working alongside anti-trafficking teams in Southeast Asia, and she's even swum with sharks on reality TV!

Love for Jas Rawlinson’s work

  • "We are very grateful to Jas for sharing her story and time with us, and giving us her insights into the red flags of DV/IPV. The information Jas shared not only helps our staff in their work and interactions with people we come into contact with in our professions, but also for others that we know." 

    VERINA - Health in Abundance Medical Practice

  • "We were thrilled to have Jas onsite recently to speak to our entire high school. Students learnt about the red flags of unhealthy relationships, boundary-setting, and the power of advocacy as a pathway for discovering your purpose.  It was a thoroughly engaged presentation on a vitally important topic."  

    MARK WILLIAMS - Nambucca Valley Christian High

  • "Through her life experience vignettes, I learned so much more about sexual exploitation and abuse - and I say that as someone who works on these issues full time!"

    DAWN HAWKINS - CEO of National Center on Sexual Exploitation